


Unwilling Pillow

by RadarsTeddyBear



Series: Nonsexual Intimacy Prompts [5]
Category: Hogan's Heroes
Genre: Gen, platonic, platonic intimacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 12:42:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14057229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadarsTeddyBear/pseuds/RadarsTeddyBear
Summary: LeBeau is a little stuck.





	Unwilling Pillow

**Author's Note:**

> [Prompt: "One falling asleep with their head in the other’s lap](http://radarsteddybear.tumblr.com/post/171808025705/writing-prompts-for-nonsexual-intimacy)  
>  I am **not** currently taking prompts.

“Mon Dieu,” LeBeau muttered.  

He could hear Newkirk snickering around the corner.

“Don’t just stand there, do something!” he hissed over the freight-train loud snoring coming from his lap.

“I think you’re on your own with this one, mate,” Newkirk whispered back.  “I don’t see how we’ll be able to lift that two-ton oaf off of you.” Newkirk dissolved into more laughter.

“Then go get Colonel Hogan!  Unlike you, _he_ knows how to use his brain!”

LeBeau could hear Newkirk stifling his laughter as his footsteps receded.  

Well, LeBeau reseasoned to himself, shifting carefully to try to find a more comfortable position, at least he didn’t have to worry about accidentally waking Schultz up.  Because if Schultz could sleep through the sound of his own snoring, he could sleep through _anything_.

LeBeau knew one thing for sure--this was the last time he was wasting warm milk on Schultz.  Next time he bribed the guard with apple strudel, he was going to go thirsty.

LeBeau heard footsteps coming towards him, and he tensed, simultaneously trying to blend into the shadows and come up with an explanation for the predicament he found himself in.  But it was just Colonel Hogan and Newkirk.

“How exactly did you become a pillow for our Nazi prison guard?” Col. Hogan asked.

“Oh, come off it, Colonel, old Schultzie isn’t a Nazi.  Isn’t that right, LeBeau?” Newkirk said.

“Just get him off of me,” LeBeau said through clenched teeth.

Col. Hogan bent down and tapped Schultz on the shoulder.  “Hey! Schultzie!” he whispered loudly.

It took three tries before Schultz’s snores stopped with an abrupt snort and he woke up with a start.  Col. Hogan jumped back as he sprang up, wildly waving his rifle around.

“Oh!  Colonel Hogan!  It’s only you!” he said when he finally saw him, arms raised in the air, and put his rifle down.

LeBeau gave a cheeky smile.  “Hiya, Schultzie,” he said.

“And the little cockroach!  Boy, am I glad it’s only you!”

“You fell asleep on the job again, Schultzie,” Newkirk says as if mock-scolding a naughty child.

“It is not my fault.  Colonel Klink works me so hard.  You understand, don’t you?”

“Sure we do, Schultzie,” Col. Hogan said as LeBeau and Newkirk nodded sympathetically.  “It’s a good thing we’re the ones who found you.”

“It sure is,” Schultz said.  “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

“We know noth-ing!” Col. Hogan said, affecting a German accent and raising his hand in the air as if swearing an oath.  

“Noth-ing!” Newkirk repeated, and LeBeau echoed with a “noth-ing!” of his own.

“Oh, _thank_ you, Colonel Hogan!” Schultz said.

“Now, how about we go back to our barracks and you go back to guarding us?” Col. Hogan said.  “And it’ll be like it never happened.”

“Yes, _Herr Colonel!_ ” Schultz said, saluting.  Then he became sheepish. “I mean…”

“I know what you mean, Schultz.”  Col. Hogan turned to his men. “Come on.  We have to get back before the boys get worried.”

“Good night, Schultzie!” LeBeau said, trotting off towards the barracks.

“‘Night, Schultz,” Newkirk said, following.

“Good night, Schultz,” Col. Hogan said, giving him a nod.  

“Good night!” Schultz said happily, and he went back to pacing back and forth with his rifle over his shoulder, paying more attention to counting his footsteps than keeping an eye out for escaping prisoners.  “Such nice prisoners,” he said to himself. “Too bad we are not on the same side.”


End file.
